


Running Scared

by lil_sis24



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluffy Ending, One Shot, a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-18 00:02:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3548534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lil_sis24/pseuds/lil_sis24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maura wanted Jane to join her on her holiday. Jane lied to her. Can they work it out? (not established) rizzles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Running Scared

**Author's Note:**

> This one took me reeeaaally long. It was rather emotional for me to write. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> English isn't my native language.

Maura was standing in her living-room, her arms crossed and her eyes stormy and dark, piercing. 

She definitely was not amused, Jane decided and frowned. 

“Maura...”

But the woman shook her head. “No, Jane. I asked you months ago. Months! And you said you'd talk to Cavanaugh-”

“I did! I talked to him and he said that I couldn't get any time off right now! I'm sorry about that.” Jane cut her off, the last part sounding sarcastic. 

But Maura ignored her, instead she continued to talk right when Jane finished to make sure the woman would hear what she had to say, that she knew.

“You said you'd talk to Cavanaugh but you didn't. I know.” Jane flinched, knowing she'd been caught. 

“Instead, you lied to me. Again, for months. If you don't want to spend any time with me away, you could've just told me, you know.” As hard as Maura tried, she couldn't keep her voice from breaking slightly at the end. But she didn't care. Instead, she still kept going.

“I asked you to join me on my vacation to Europe. And I thought you'd know why, but obviously you're not as good a detective as everyone thinks, including yourself!” Maura knew she was starting to lash out. She was just so... hurt. 

She had planned a vacation to Europe, to see her parents. But then she thought, maybe she could invite Jane along and use that chance to tell her about her feelings. But of course, Jane wasn't willing to come with her. 

“Instead you decide to go to a conference – one of the things you absolutely hate about your job – in Los Angeles for one week right around the time when I come back.” She took a deep breath there, still staring into Jane's eyes. She couldn't read her right now. Usually she was able to see her thoughts, clear as day, written all over her face, in her eyes. But right now she couldn't. Not that she'd be trying very hard to do so at the moment. She had so much to say, still, but she didn't. Maybe it wasn't worth it.

She turned around and headed to her window, looking out into the darkness but not really noticing much.

“You know, I just wish you'd tell me when you don't want to spend time with me. If you'd just stay away from me then, it'd make everything so much easier for me, Jane.” she whispered. She didn't trust her voice anymore and she could feel the tears forming in her eyes. She slowly loosened the grip on her arms, turning it into a gesture of hugging herself now, needing any kind of comfort she could get. Comfort she wished she would get from Jane. But she knew she wouldn't. 

“I just wish you'd tell me why you don't want to spend time with me in Europe, choosing a conference over seeing a new country, another culture. Choosing your job over me.” 

 

The last part had been whispered so softly, Jane wasn't even sure Maura really had said it. She knew that Maura knew that her job came first most of the time. Her job was her life. Maura was her best friend. But why would she be so disappointed, so.. devastated by her choosing her job over her best friend? She'd never seemed disappointed before, so why now?

“Maura...” was all she could bring over her lips, though. She felt like she'd made a horrible mistake. She shouldn't have lied to her about Cavanaugh. She didn't even know why she had done it in the first place. 

But Maura didn't respond. What could she say anyway? She already said everything she could.

 

“Why does it mean so much to you? Why do you want me to come with you so bad?”

 

“Badly, Jane.” Maura sighed. “Why has everybody seen it already but you just don't?” she said, now sounding exasperated and turning back around to Jane. Her eyes again – or still? Jane couldn't say – dark from the ire that was rising up more and more.

 

“What does everybody see? God damn it, Maura! Talk to me!” Jane shot back, the volume of their exchange rising with every word they spoke.

“I wanted you to come to Paris with me! Yes, my parents are there and yes, I wanted to visit them! But I wanted to show you the city! Wanted to show you around a place that's so special to me because you're so very special to me, too!!” Maura cried, tears flowing freely down her cheeks now. But neither of them was sure if they were tears of anger or out of despair. “I wanted you to be there when I meet my parents again. My mother has been so much better since she met you, she tried so much harder because YOU talked to her. I don't know what you said, but it helped! I also wanted to thank you for that with that trip. And I wanted you to finally meet my father. Paris is such a lovely city... I just wanted you to come!”

 

When Maura finished her speech they were silent for a long time. Just standing there, staring at each other. Maura was still crying and when the first sob tore through her it broke the spell Jane must've been under and the brunette was at the other woman's side in seconds, taking her into her arms, hugging the shaking form tightly. She noticed with a sting in her heart that Maura didn't hug her back, but that she just wrapped her arms tighter around herself instead. A voice inside her head that very much sounded like her Ma's whispered: “You're a fool. You hurt her and now you expect her to hug you back?”

“Don't I mean anything to you?” Maura whispered into the brunette's neck. Jane shook her head.

“Just because I didn't want to come doesn't mean I don't lo-like you or that I don't want to spend time with you. You mean so much to me, too, Maur. I'm just not a big talker, you know that, though, don't you? I just... didn't feel comfortable knowing that you'd want to pay for that trip, for everything I'd need. I don't want you to spend so much money on me because you already do. You let Ma stay at your guest house, you helped Tommy out, I'm here more often than at my own apartment...! I use your shower, you buy my food...You even keep a stash of Jo's food here! I don't like the thought of you spending even more money on me... And I know that you don't mind. But I do. I've been fighting for my independence all my life in every facet of my life. Can you understand that?” Jane asked and pulled back slightly, guiding them towards the couch and sitting down, pulling Maura down beside her. 

 

Maura didn't know what to say. Jane had already said it, she didn't mind paying for Jane's things and she was right in that regard. She wouldn't have minded to pay for her vacation. She wanted to pay for their vacation. She was sure there was nothing that could change the brunette's mind, though. It was too late anyway. Even if she suddenly wanted to come along, it wasn't like she'd get three weeks off on such a short notice. 

“Is that the only reason?” Maura heard herself ask. Jane looked up at her sharply.

“What? Why do you even ask that, Maura?” 

“I asked you if money was the only issue you had” Maura repeated herself patiently. “And don't lie to me again.”

Jane looked at her, not knowing what to do. Had Maura caught her slip earlier? When she'd nearly said 'love' instead of 'like'? 

 

She hated being lied to. God, usually she couldn't care less. With any other person she wouldn't, couldn't care less. But with Jane? She didn't want to be lied to. Why would you lie to someone you liked? Or loved, even? She knew why Jane didn't want to join her on her trip to Paris. Jane was running. Running away from their feelings. And this wasn't just a 'gut-feeling' because Maura based all her findings on facts. Casey, he was the distraction. Her facial expressions, dilated pupils, a sign of attraction and arousal. She knew how to read Jane. That's why she could tell whenever the brunette tried to lie to her. 

 

“Maura... Please..” Jane whispered, staring at the floor. “I can't do this. Don't make me do this...”

“Don't make you do what, Jane? I asked you to be honest with me. Is that too much to ask for? Honesty in a relationship, whether it is of romantic nature or simply platonic is not of any matter here, is something very important to me. Even if I could lie, I could never lie to you.” Maura said quietly, watching Jane intently. The brunette was still staring at the floor, but at the words 'relationship' and 'romantic' she saw her posture stiffen. That only made Maura even surer of her very carefully threaded thesis. “Don't run away from me, Jane. Please.”   
She knew she had tears in her eyes and that Jane had heard it because the brunette looked up sharply at her. 

“I tried, Maura. Because what good can I bring you? But I can't. I can't get my mind off you. I can't turn away from you. But what is it you see in me? I have no idea. I'm broken, living a dangerous life, bringing you in danger, too. I proofed I can't take care of you, not even as a friend. How could I dare to ask more of you if I can't bring you anything good in your life, nothing but fear and danger and despair?” Jane's voice broke now, too. 

“Oh Jane. But don't you see? You make me a better person... Don't you see, I finally found friends, a family, my mother finally shows some interest in me. All thanks to you. And you did save me every single time I have gotten into danger. Even if you brought it on yourself. But I can't remember one instance where you did. And don't say Hoyt. It was my own choice to come with you back then. And I'd do it all over again. Again and again, if that means it will safe us both and as harsh as it may sound, kill that monster.” Maura took a deep breath and then went on. “I feel safer with you than with anyone else. I trust you. And I want you in my life. Preferably as more than friends. But that's up to you, Jane. Just, please, don't run away from me.”   
The doctor took hold of Jane's hands that were clenched into each other and lying on her lap. Instantly they fell apart, now lying limp. Maura took hold of each and started to caress the scars Jane wouldn't let touch anyone else. No one but her.   
“I already said I can't run away from you. I never could.” Jane whispered, staring at Maura's fingers on her own hands. 

Maura smiled and leaned into Jane. When her head touched Jane's shoulder she gave sigh so deep, Jane had to chuckle, despite the intensity of feelings in the air between and around them. 

"I said something once, Jane, remember? Where I brought the wine over that Tommy gave to me as an apology?" Maura whispered, staring at their tightly linked hands, watching Jane's thumb caress her own hand.

The detective cleared her throat. "I think I do..."

Maura looked up at her face and smiled shyly.

"What did I say?"

"That you liked Tommy but... loved... me..." Jane finished and suddenly her eyes lit up and she pulled Maura to an upright position so that they could look at each other. She did not let go of her hands, though, but was holding onto them like they were her lifeline. 

"Was that.. Is... How did you mean that?" Jane asked, her voice deeper and scratchier than usual. 

Maura smiled again. "Exactly like I said it, Jane. I like Tommy, he's your brother, after all, and really good at chess. But I love you. I have always loved you."

The ME could see Jane's thoughts running through her head at the speed of light. She smiled at her own use of that figure of speech. 

"And that's why I want you to come to Paris with me, Jane. That's why I don't mind spending all that money, which is not that much, by the way, as we're traveling at a time of year where it is cheaper. And if my father wasn't coming to Paris only a few hours before us we could have had the private jet from my parents and we wouldn't have had to pay for anything but that's beside the point that I really wish you could be able to come with me now." Maura blushed lightly at her rambling. She often strayed from the topic at hand because there were just so many interesting facts to so many different aspects in certain conversational topics, that she sometimes lost track of her thoughts.

"There's still the fact that you lied to me about going to Cavanaugh..." she narrowed her eyes to slits and scrutinized the other woman closely. Jane looked at her, an amused smile playing on her lips. 

"Maybe what I will say next makes it worse... but.. I lied about the conference, too..."

Maura was taken aback. "At least you have the decency to blush!" she scolded. But then the meaning of the words sunk in.

"Does that mean...?"

"It means, that, if I speak to Cavanaugh tomorrow morning, I might still be able to come with you. To Paris. If you still want me to come that is..." Jane said, biting her bottom lip worriedly.

Maura looked at her for a few seconds that, to Jane, felt like hours. But then the honey blonde smiled. She smiled that one smile that made Jane's knees weak because it lit up her whole face, made her eyes brighter and her dimples showed. 

Instead of a verbal answer, though, Maura simply leaned forward and kissed her cheek.

Jane took that as most definite "Yes".

 

 

-fin.

 


End file.
